Bianca's dream
by Fabulous 32
Summary: There are a lot of restless nights going around Pine Valley at the moment. Set before the confession. Some faces from the past come to give Bianca advice. Chapt 2 added - Out of the mouths of babes.
1. Chapter 1

**Bianca's Dream**

**I do not own All My Children, just borrowing a few characters.**

**There are a lot of restless nights going around Pine Valley at the moment. Set before the confession. Some faces from the past come to give Bianca advice.**

Bianca had only one thing on her mind - Marissa. It had been the same for months now. She knew it was wrong to have these thoughts about her straight best friend but then Marissa would hold her hand, gaze at her, smile that dazzling smile of hers and Bianca was falling in love all over again.

It had helped to tell Kendall, and her encouragement had given Bianca a little hope that it could be more than a one way crush. This new hope just as quickly dashed by Marissa admitting to wanting to give JR another chance.

Bianca's new focus was to make Marissa happy. So she put all her love into making JR the best man he could be. It broke her heart a little to see how well it was working, but just as long as her best friend was happy, right?

Bianca buried her face in the pillow and let out a groan. Why did she always fall for the straight girl?

…

_Bianca was walking down a boulevard in Paris passing a street café. She spotted a likely table and took a seat, ordering a coffee from a passing waiter._

"_Mind if I join you." _

_Bianca looked up to see a familiar face, Sarah Livingston. Sarah had been her first love. Back then they both were a skeletal pair battling anorexia, their feelings for each other the only thing that got them through. Today Sarah was no longer the scared starved teenager, but the chubby smiling woman who Bianca still e-mailed every week or so. The woman who was as dedicated to her Dog Rescue Sanctuary in the mid-west as Bianca was to the Miranda Centre._

"_You look like you could use someone to talk to." said Sarah taking the seat Bianca offered._

"_What makes you say that?" asked Bianca giving a baffled smile._

"_You've got that wounded puppy look you get when your heart is breaking," explained Sarah, "And we want to help."_

"_We?" asked Bianca confused._

"_Hope you can handle it!" said a voice from behind Bianca's left shoulder._

_She turned to see a very familiar face._

"_Magg…" she began and then realised this was someone else entirely. "Frankie, oh my god Frankie." Bianca leaped from her seat and engulfed the girl in a hug. For she was the same nervous, cautious girl Bianca had fallen for all those years ago, before her tragic death._

"_Easy lady!" said Frankie pushing out of the hug looking slightly embarrassed by the show of affection._

"_Admit it, for a second you thought it was me?" _

_Then suddenly Maggie was there her arm around the shoulder of her long lost twin._

_Maggie looked as young as her sister, the Maggie Bianca treasured in her heart, her best friend and confidant. The older, out of character, betrayer was not how Bianca wanted to remember her first great love. Standing side by side, both wearing a nervous grin, Bianca could see that both girls were not exactly identical, Frankie's nose was a little straighter and Maggie's face a little rounder, it was a very strange experience to see them together._

_Both girls took a seat at the table._

"_Why are you here?" Bianca asked again, confused and delighted at the same time._

_A hand rested gently on her shoulder,_

"_We wanted to help you understand your feelings." _

_The thick Czech accent gave the game away at once. Lena was there with a broad smile on her face looking as beautiful as ever._

"_I know how I feel. I'm just not sure how I'm handling it!" explained Bianca, still baffled by the intervention._

"_Let us help." said another newcomer, Babe, another lost best friend._

_Both women took chairs from an adjoining table and sat with the others who were now ordering from the menu. Bianca took her seat and looked round at the faces of her lovers and friends._

"_Okay, what happens next?" Bianca asked curious as to where this dream was taking her, maybe she needed to make an appointment with her therapist._

"_There is still a couple more to come." said Sarah looking past Bianca's shoulder down the boulevard._

_Bianca turned to see Zoe, possible her most unusual girlfriend as she had once been a man, escorting a reluctant Reese to the table. Bianca was pleased the see the look of guilt on her ex-wife's face as Zoe 'helped' her into a chair on Bianca's left._

"_Lovely to see you again." said Zoe affectionately, kissing Bianca tenderly on her cheek before taking a seat._

"_So where do we start?" asked Lena, looking at the faces around the table._

"_Well my guess." said Maggie with a knowing smile "Is that Bianca has fallen for her best friend who is, it seems, straight."_

_Bianca nodded._

"_Her name is Marissa," she turned to Babe, "You sister."_

_Babe, ever open minded, simply smiled._

"_Okay." said Maggie, "We'll do a check list - pros and cons."_

"_Don't be ridiculous!" exclaimed Bianca._

"_No I think that's a good idea." said Babe._

_Bianca looked pleadingly around the table for support but Maggie had already produced a note book._

"_Okay, is she your type?" asked Maggie._

"_My type?" Bianca asked, incredulous._

"_You know…" said Maggie twirling her pen in the air as she thought "… petite blonde."_

"_She's a red-head." said Bianca, happy to quash this nonsense before it started._

"_Strawberry-blonde then." said Reese, fingering her own hair. _

"_Bianca doesn't necessarily have a type." protested Lena her height and short brown hair making her stand out in the group._

_Zoe gave her a reassuring smile,_

"_With a body like yours." she said, "I think anyone would make an exception."_

_Lena returned the smile and Bianca realised there was definitely a bit of flirting going on there. _

"_Has she done anything to make you think she might like you as more than a friend?" asked Sarah, trying to get the discussion back onto a serious note._

"_She's straight." said Bianca firmly, "She's friendly – she's my best friend!"_

"_So was I," said Sarah. "At first..."_

"_And me." said Maggie._

"_And me." said Babe, not wanting to be left out._

"_Yes and your straight." said Bianca, pleased to prove a point._

"_Just because she's my twin doesn't mean we're the same!" Babe pointed out._

_Maggie raised the pen in her hand in a question._

"_Wait! Another twin?"_

"_I don't have a thing for twins!" cried Bianca exasperated, but then she smiled when she saw the mischievous twinkle in her old friend's eye._

"_Does that mean you had a thing for me?" asked Babe, playfully eyeing up Bianca._

_Bianca could only stare back, thinking of all the turmoil the beautiful, open-hearted and yet selfish blonde had brought into her life. For this friend she had somehow managed to forgive the unforgivable and was never really sure why._

"_I think that's a yes." said Zoe, reading perhaps too much into Bianca's silence._

"_Is that why you suggested we pretended to have an affair to trick JR?" Babe asked, a wrinkle of confusion forming on her brow._

"_Um… you're the one who kissed me!" exclaimed Bianca, preferring to deflect rather than directly answer the question._

"_I was curious." said Babe, with a shrug, "You looked like a good kisser, and you were!"_

_There were a lot of nods around the table and murmurs of agreement._

_Sarah held up her hands for quiet, noticing Bianca's discomfort._

"_The point isn't if Bianca likes Marissa – we know she likes her! The question is are the feelings reciprocated!"_

"_Does she give any signals – clues?" asked Lena._

"_There is no big flashing sign that tells you if someone is gay!" exclaimed Bianca._

"_But there are clues." insisted Lena, "Does she call you more than once a day? Does she turn up unexpectedly, always seeking you out? Does she get into your personal space?"_

_Bianca sighed._

"_She's my best friend. We've been through a lot together, my divorce, my mother's kidnapping, being attacked and imprisoned by Ricky, that makes us close – And anyway she's touchy-feely with everyone; the fact she likes to hold my hand does not make her gay?"_

_The last statement raised a few eyebrows._

"_You're sure she's straight." asked Frankie, the look on her face doubtful._

"_Positive." said Bianca. "She wants to be with JR and AJ"_

"_But not JR alone?" asked Babe, curious about the way Bianca phrased the statement._

_Bianca tried for a bit more clarity,_

"_What she wants is to get back with JR so they can be a family again for AJ."_

"_But isn't that more to do with wanting to be a family for my son than being with a man!" Babe asked._

"_She straight." Bianca groaned, getting fed up with the same line of questioning._

"_But she's driving you crazy anyway." said Maggie with an understanding smile. _

"_Yes." said Bianca trying to find a way to get her feelings into words the group couldn't twist. "She is my best friend and I love her for that. She is the best thing to happen to me in a long time and I don't want to ruin it."_

_Bianca couldn't help but finish with an accusatory glance at her ex-wife, Reese._

"_Does she know you're gay?" Reese asked. She looked uncomfortable under Bianca's gaze. It was probably why they hadn't spoken face to face throughout the whole break-up, those brown eyes were too hard to resist._

"_She's the lawyer who settled our divorce." explained Bianca, and Reese nodded guiltily._

"_Does she have a problem with you being gay?" Frankie asked, as someone who was never comfortable with her own homosexuality._

"_No, she's nothing but supportive." said Bianca, smiling at a fond memory, "When that Tammy woman tried to justify her daughter bullying my Miranda she was right by my side. The stupid woman even thought we were girlfriends, but Marissa didn't mind at all. She even said she would be proud to be thought of as my partner."_

_Bianca faltered slightly when she finished her statement – that had felt weird even when Marissa said it. _

_Maggie expressed the feelings of all present…_

"_She said WHAT!"_

"_And you still think she's straight." gasped Zoe._

"_She was being supportive." sighed Bianca, still not sure why everyone kept coming back to the same point. "She likes men!"_

"_Have you ever thought she might be bi-sexual?" asked Lena._

"_She is straight." said Bianca. "I'm not saying it again – she likes men!"_

"_So why can't you be honest with her?" asked Sarah, once more steering everyone back into the reason for the conversation._

"_Because." said Bianca, pleased at her friend's intervention, "Knowing I'm gay and knowing I've got feelings for her are two different things."_

"_Hey." said Maggie, "You told me – Okay I freaked out twice, maybe three times but it got me to realise what we really meant to each other."_

"_I can top that." said Frankie, smiling at her twin sister, "I was gay and it freaked me out - big time. I slept with JR in fact." She turned to Bianca, "But I was freaked out more by the fact that you loved me so much and I was lying to you, than anything else."_

"_It just doesn't always work out." said Bianca sadly._

"_Who else have you tried to convert?" asked Reese, incredulous._

"_Not funny." said Bianca, not relishing another teasing. "I was thinking of Laura."_

"_Laura was a bitch plain and simple." said Maggie. "Anyone else?"_

_Bianca shook her head._

"_Is Marissa anything like Laura?" Sarah asked, grounding the conversation again._

"_No!" exclaimed Bianca horrified by the comparison._

"_Do you have any reason to believe she'll freak out?" asked Sarah, again with a sensible question._

"_I don't know." said Bianca. "That's the problem."_

"_What will happen if you don't tell her?" asked Lena, reaching out to give Bianca's hand a supportive squeeze._

"_I think I will go crazy." said Bianca quietly, when she looked up there was a clear trace of lust in her eyes as she thought of her friend. "I came so close to kissing her the other day. She looked so cute in that red dress…I'm scared to even let her touch me know. I think she must know how I feel, she must, but she just keeps smiling her sexy little smile and tries to hold my hand."_

_She groaned and buried her head in her hands._

"_Then you could damage your friendship either way." said Sarah, giving Bianca's shoulder a supportive squeeze._

"_As I see it." said Maggie. "Honesty is the best policy; she may even feel the same way…" Bianca gave her a withering look, "… and even if she doesn't, from what you've told us I think your friendship can take it."_

"_She deserves the truth." said Lena and Bianca knew she was right._

"_Just maybe not all of it." said Babe, interrupting her thought._

"_What do you mean?" asked Bianca._

"_Well you've been helping JR win her back."_

"_How do you know that?" asked Bianca confused._

"_Hello, I'm dead." said Babe in explanation, "I get to haunt my ex-husband if I want. I just think if Marissa finds out that all those romantic gestures are yours it could make things really awkward. She really loves the new JR, really loves the fact he listens and she adored the music box."_

"_If I tell it could ruin her relationship with JR."_

"_Blow him right out of the water." agreed Maggie._

"_It could also feel a bit like a betrayal." said Zoe._

"_If she's straight as you say." continued Babe, "and she finds out the person who has won her heart is really her gay best friend then I think you can expect a major melt-down."_

"_Then I shall just tell her I'm attracted to her – that's not too much pressure – attracted to her…"_

"_And not head over heels in love with the smoking hot red-head." said Sarah with a smile. Bianca laughed at the surprise statement._

"_So we have a plan." said Maggie as she packed up the pad and pen she had barely used._

"_We have." said Bianca with a relieved smile. "Thank you, Thank you all so much for your help."_

_With that they got to their feet and one by one said their goodbyes – each one with a kiss and one last piece of advice for Bianca._

"_I lied." said Reese, "I lied right from the start and I turned you into a liar too. No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you do to prove yourself; the lie is what will kill you in the end. Honesty is all it takes to be happy. I realise that now. I'm sorry."_

_With a gentle kiss on the cheek she sadly walked away._

_Babe came forward next and kissed both of Bianca's cheeks and engulfed her in a hug._

"_Remember she isn't me. I loved you and still I hurt you terribly for which I am eternally sorry. I wish things had been different, but even if she is only remains your best friend, I'm sure she'll be the friend I could never be. You deserve to be happy."_

_Zoe was next giving Bianca a hug which lifted her of the ground._

"_You don't have a type as such," she reassured, "Look at me, despite everything we found love. It can hide in the most unexpected places. What attracts you is kindness and bravery as much as beauty. Then you fall in love with all of you and that's what makes you so amazing."_

_She planted a gentle loving kiss on Bianca's lips before waving goodbye._

_Lena rested her hand on Bianca's cheek and gazed at her for a moment._

"_Love was never a problem for us – it was Michael Cambias that came between us. Even as much as we loved each other his shadow was always there. I know this ordeal with Ricky must have brought back a lot but this time you weren't alone. It was shared and only brought you closer to Marissa. You don't have to face his shadow alone and for that I am glad."_

_Lena's kiss was as passionate as Bianca remembered and for a brief second she enjoyed the contact, but then Lena was gone again._

_Maggie who had been watching the kiss a little jealously came forward next. She looked older now, looking as she did when they were lovers in Paris, looking as guilty as the night Bianca found out about the affair._

"_I'm sorry I ruined it all, so sorry. I got to the point where I couldn't talk to you, and we talked about everything. I just felt you didn't need me, you were focused on Miranda and Cambias industries and I felt a little lost. I needed you and it felt so one sided. But rather than talking to you – my lover and best friend – I wrecked the best thing that ever happened to me. You have to be open and honest with Marissa or you risk destroying everything."_

_Her kiss was sad but full of love, and Bianca, preferring to remember the younger unerring friend who stole her heart, closed her eyes and returned the kiss with all the love they had shared._

_Frankie looked embarrassed when she came forward, but then she smiled one of her rare smiles._

"_Your love is transforming – it makes you want to do better, to deserve it. You are the biggest hearted person I have ever met. You go through hell and come out the other side even more amazing than ever. It's a lot to live up to but don't be scared, I don't think your love could ever do anyone harm."_

_The kiss was brief and gentle and with a wave Frankie was gone._

_That left Sarah, her first love and her only lover that she could still call a friend._

"_I know you are scared that whatever happens next it will ruin your friendship. When your friend's became lovers it ended badly. I don't think this time you need to worry, from what you've told me I think your friendship is strong enough to endure anything… and if it isn't, it isn't. I want to leave you with a piece of advice my dearest friend gave me long ago… you may recognise it. 'The most important thing is to be happy, and then everything else will all turn out right. And the first thing to be happy with is yourself'."_

_Sarah kissed Bianca's cheek and left with a smile._

_Bianca smiled in reply and turned to walk back along the boulevard. Only she found someone blocking her way._

_Laura was glaring at her,_

"_I think what your doing is stupid." she cried and gave Bianca a shove. _

…

Bianca woke with a start. That had been a weird but pleasant dream and she wondered how much she should take from it. Her therapist was always stressing that dreams were just part of her thought process and so should be 'harvested' for what is useful. She had enjoyed the time she spent with all her former loves; including Reese which surprised her.

It had been especially nice to see Maggie. How Bianca missed the old Maggie who would never hurt her. Back then, when she was younger, impetuous, falling in love so easily, not yet aware of how much it could all still hurt. Loosing Maggie was devastating because she lost her closest friend as well as her lover. Her biggest fear was that loosing Marissa, now they were so close, would be just as terrible.

Bianca knew life had changed her from the naive girl she once was. Now she was a mother first, a survivor, now she knew the pain of betrayal. Now she knew caution. Sometimes she would find herself looking back and for a moment it seemed like her life had happened to a different person and what she had with Marissa was new and something altogether different to the friends and lovers that had gone before. One thing was certain, the truth was going to come out sooner rather than later. Somehow Bianca had to tell Marissa that she loved her more than just a friend and hope Marissa would understand.

**This turned out to be harder to write than I expected, I just thought with all the old stars coming back to AMC it would be nice to revisit Bianca's lovers (and Babe). Hope I did them justice.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Bianca and another dream**

**I do not own the characters they are the property of All My Children, I just like to borrow them.**

**Out of the mouths of babes - Bianca has very odd dream.**

Well she had done it. She had followed her heart and told Marissa her true feelings. Things hadn't exactly turned out quite as she'd expected, but all things considered it could have been worse. Marissa had insisted she was fine with it but she still freaked out slightly. Bianca could have kicked herself when she heard herself offer to put sun lotion on Marissa's back (but damn it that bikini was hot and she was only human). No, Bianca realised Marissa would be cool with it given time. So she was happy to let her straight best friend run back to her man, while she babysat AJ. Both women needed time now to get their thoughts in order.

It had felt great getting her feelings for Marissa off her chest and she had spent a wonderful afternoon with the kids in the hotel pool. Her good mood was such that she gave AJ and Miranda permission to share the adjoining room booked by Marissa; she was regretting it now. Gabby was fast asleep in her cot but she could still hear AJ and Miranda chatting away in the next room and it was almost midnight. She had hushed them four times but they were both so over-exited; the massive chocolate sundae for dessert had probably also been a mistake just before bedtime.

Bianca got up and went to the door to give her fifth and final warning but paused when she realised they were talking about her.

"Your mum is so cool." whispered AJ, "I can't believe she let us all jump into the pool like that!"

"I have the best mummy in the world." agreed Miranda, "Your mummy's nice too, she's funny, and she makes my mummy happy."

"Do you think we could go on vacation together always?"

"I don't know." said Miranda, thinking for a moment "Maybe if our mummies get married – then we could really be twins!"

"Can ladies get married?"

"My mummy married Mommy Reese until she made her sad because she wouldn't come and see us, and then they got a divorce."

"Daddy made mom sad too." said AJ, "But I think they like each other again now. I want mom and daddy together again. Not that your mum isn't awesome."

"That would be nice too." agreed Miranda. "But I think my mummy likes your mummy too."

"What if my mom married daddy and your mum, then we could be one big family! You can have a daddy and I can have two moms – I think that would be brilliant!"

"I don't think my mummy would marry your daddy – she doesn't like boys like that." said Miranda, "And I think it's against the law… called 'bio- gram-y'."

Bianca still hiding in the doorway was now feeling very embarrassed. How had Miranda picked up on her feelings for Marissa? Still those kids were so cute… but it was now past midnight.

"If I have to come in one more time tonight, I will separate you." she barked through the open doorway in full mummy mode.

There were muffled apologies from the room and then quiet.

Bianca collapsed gratefully into her bed…

…

_Bianca took a seat at the breakfast table and placed a napkin on her lap before surveying the spread on offer, there were pancakes, toast, cereal, juice and a steaming pot of coffee. She didn't really recognise the kitchen; it looked a bit like a farmhouse kitchen from a magazine and a bit like the one at Wildwind. JR sat the head of the table hidden behind his newspaper. The oddest part of the dream was that it didn't feel weird that he was there. Her children were there too, Miranda was sat on her left munching on a slice of toast and jam. Gabby was spooning cereal into her mouth but getting most of it down her chin. Bianca leant forward to clean her up, when Marissa came in with AJ. She shooed AJ to a seat beside Miranda and then greeted everyone with a beautiful smile._

"_Good morning."_

_JR put down his paper and smiled in response._

"_Good morning, sweetheart." Marissa came and kissed him briefly on the lips. Then with a playful pout she turned to Bianca._

"_Don't I get a good morning?"_

"_I'm sorry I was miles away – good morning."_

_Marissa smiled and kissed Bianca just as she'd kissed JR. This surprised Bianca, but then she stopped, why would it be weird, they were a family, right?_

_Marissa then took it in turns to kiss all the children busy with their breakfast._

"_So sport," said JR, turning to his son, "Are you excited by soccer try outs today?"_

_AJ's response was muffled by a spoonful of cereal, but Bianca was sure he said 'You bet.'_

"_And my little angel," said JR turning to Miranda. "Is your assignment ready to hand in?"_

"_I wanted to show you before I packed it in my school bag." said Miranda. She gave Bianca a look, asking to leave the table._

"_Go on." said Bianca encouragingly. "I've been dying to see this myself."_

_Miranda disappeared and then came back with a drawing clutched in her hands. Written across the top was the title, my family._

"_It is wonderful." said Marissa, giving the child a supportive hug._

_Bianca nodded but an eerie feeling of genuine wrongness crept over her. The picture showed their smiling family, Marissa in the middle, obvious with her red hair and red dress, JR was on her left with AJ and Bianca on the right with Miranda and little Gabby._

_Bianca had a sudden urge to tear it up, tear JR out of the picture. It must have shown on her face because Miranda suddenly looked very sad._

"_Don't you like it mummy?" Miranda asked._

"_No!" exclaimed Bianca trying to drag herself out of her weird reverie of the picture. "I think it's beautiful. Your so clever." She pulled her eldest girl into a hug and planted a big kiss on her cheek. "My little genius."_

"_Mummy." groaned Miranda struggling from the embrace. "Don't be silly."_

_Miranda was smiling now. But Marissa was still watching Bianca, concern in her eyes._

"_You're sure you're okay?"_

"_I'm just a little tired," said Bianca, "The kids were up all night"_

_Bianca paused that was right wasn't it, the kids had kept her up last night, both AJ and Miranda had a guilty look on their faces so it must have been last night. Once again it felt like something was wrong with this perfect little family unit._

"_Poor you." said Marissa with a gleam in her eyes and leant in to kiss Bianca's lips._

"_Moms." cried AJ in despair, "Why are adults so yucky."_

_Marissa pulled out of the kiss to smile at her son. Then she noticed the clock._

"_Oh my god, there is only five minutes to get you to school."_

_The next few moments were a blur of school bags, hats, gloves, coats and pack lunches. A very harassed Marissa then gave JR and Bianca a goodbye kiss and herded the children out the door._

_That left Bianca alone with JR and the feeling of wrongness returned. JR touched her shoulder and there was a clear look of lust in his eyes._

"_Alone at last," he sighed suggestively._

…

"Well that's enough of that!" exclaimed Bianca, dragging herself out of the dream, and shivering slightly at the thought of JRs touch.

"Sorry mummy." came a plaintive cry from the next room. AJ and Miranda were obviously still awake.

Bianca picked up her phone to glance at the time, it was 00.30. The dream had taken moments and was probably the most disturbing dream Bianca had had in a long time. The Marissa parts, and the sense of family had been wonderful, it was just a shame JR had to be there to ruin it.

Looking at her phone Bianca noticed a text from Griffin. He wanted an urgent breakfast meeting at the yacht club about the new Miranda centre. Bianca groaned, that would mean having to cut the vacation short and the kids were having such a great time, plus Bianca still hadn't had a chance to experience the hotel's world class spa. Still maybe getting her head back into Miranda Centre business would take her mind off of Marissa; her lips still burned from their last dream kiss.


End file.
